Here’s a post from July of 2010 that I never had published.  For context, this was written before my dad underwent treatment for his cancer that summer and after I’d had a miscarriage that May.

I’ve been having more and more of an urge to write again these days. Tonight I was searching for a hymn to meditate upon. Had the hymn all typed out and pithy words of my own to go with it. And then realized it was all a show to make me feel important and so I hit the delete key.

I’ve been hiding out all evening with the intent of opening my Bible. I compromised a while ago and started looking through hymns. And then, God called me out. Which it turns out he is still speaking to me these days, even if I’m stiff-necked and angry and don’t always want to hear what he says.

I still haven’t opened my Bible. Frankly, I think I may actually be afraid of it. I don’t feel like being drawn into praise.

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